I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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