Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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