Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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