i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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