I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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