this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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