dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
