Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
