What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Randomize
