Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
