i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
