I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
