I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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