I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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