Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
