he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
