he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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