I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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