He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
