you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
