FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
