Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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