thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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