as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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