i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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