Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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