So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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