Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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