Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
