We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
