Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
