.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
