I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
