i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
