Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
