I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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