Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
