I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
