guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
