Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
