Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didn't notice because vodka
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize