he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
