Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
