I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
