She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
