why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
