If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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