you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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