I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
