I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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