garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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