You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
