dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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