I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can I color on your dick again?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize