Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
