you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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