Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
