My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
