she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
