Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize