i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
