Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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