I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
