Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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