I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
