you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
