I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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