My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
