so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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