i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
