do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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