9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
