Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
