I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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