I have demons in me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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