Im at strip club and am horny
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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