He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
