I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
