It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have fence marks all over my body
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
