Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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