you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
