If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
