Can i not drive my cunt home
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
