Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I look better un-naked...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
