Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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