look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize