this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Found the puke drawer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
