Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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