Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
