i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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