C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize