Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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