Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
