watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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