she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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