im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
