your thong is hanging out like whoa
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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