I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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