Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize