it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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